When a Couple Puts Asunder What God Hath Joined
BY BILL PRIMAVERA – Recently I received another one of those calls. A couple is in the process of getting a divorce and they want me to come and do a comparative market analysis on their home in preparation for its sale. Divorce, along with death, is one of the main catalysts in the sale of homes.
Depending on which statistics are to be believed, perhaps more than 50 percent of us today decide not to heed the Bible’s warning in Matthew that “what God hath joined together, let no man put asunder.”
When I got married at a young age, I knew intuitively that it would be “til death do us part.” And through years of developing into maturity, adaptation to each other’s changes, enduring disappointments and problems, as well as sharing the heights of great moments, indeed, the marriage has flourished and become more cherished each year.
But for those who have a different experience with marriage, a major element of divorce is the division of property, which frequently involves the sale of a jointly owned home. When a realtor is representing such a sale, in essence, she or he is working for both parties, and that can be an exercise in understanding and diplomacy, especially if the split is acrimonious.
If the former partners are no longer speaking to each other but conducting all business through their respective lawyers and their real estate agent, it can demand double duty in communications all around.
“The unfortunate thing is that you would expect that when a home is bought or sold, it would be an occasion for joy, because the people involved are either walking away with money or moving into a new house,” according to one lawyer to whom I spoke who specializes in real estate.
“But with a divorce it can be emotionally and financially draining on the couple and even beyond their control if there is a court order to get the house sold,” he continued, “and for the lawyers and realtor – there can be two different matrimonial and real estate lawyers involved – it also can be a real strain. The situation is negatively charged when you’re working with people who may have reached the lowest ebb they’re likely ever to have in their lives.”
I’ve experienced one situation with a different kind of ending that gives me a great deal of pleasure to report here. It involves a couple who showed up at my real estate office some years ago unannounced and asked for me. Flatteringly enough, they said they had chosen me to list their home because, as readers of this column, they got to know me and trusted my judgment. Then they dropped the bomb that the sale of their home was necessary because they decided to get divorced.
I’m certainly no psychologist or divorce counselor, but in the course of a long conversation, it became apparent to me that they had enjoyed a solid marriage for many years, and I suspected that they were simply engaged in an argument and using the potential sale of the house as a pawn to get their feelings out with the help of an objective observer, namely me.
Based on these gut feelings, all I could say was, “Wait a minute. Are you sure you really want to do this?” Both the wife and husband looked at me blankly, probably caught off-guard that they had encountered a realtor who was killing his chances of a deal. But they responded by both smiling and taking my advice to cool down, go home and discuss the situation further.
Bottom line, the couple is still together in the same home, we even became friends and they’ve never again mentioned divorce to me. It gives me a good feeling that, like most realtors, I am engaged in something more than just selling houses, but am of genuine service in helping guide people through transitions and some rough spots in life.
My handling of the situation lost me a sale, but it did fill my heart with gladness.
Bill Primavera is a Realtor® associated with William Raveis Real Estate and Founder of Primavera Public Relations, Inc. (www.PrimaveraPR.com). His real estate site is www.PrimaveraRealEstate.com, and his blog is www.TheHomeGuru.com. To engage the services of The Home Guru to market your home for sale, call 914-522-2076.
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