The Best Way to Write About Yourself is to Interview Others
Opinion Advocates for ideas and draws conclusions based on the author/producer’s interpretation of facts and data.
By Alan D. Bergman
Perhaps 2023 is when you finally decide to devote time to writing your memoir or autobiography. It may sound illogical or, at the very least, counterintuitive but interviewing others will go a long way toward capturing and preserving your own story.
Two Types of Life Stories
First, it is essential to determine what form your life story will take. As the author of your tale, you have essentially two choices: The autobiography is the story of one’s life told from birth to the present day, from soup to nuts. It is often longer than the memoir and contains a wider breadth of content – anecdotes, memories and feelings, as far back as you, the author, can recall. A memoir is typically defined as a specific period, event or theme within an individual’s life.
Writing “My Teen Years” or “My Struggle Living With Type 1 Diabetes” would be memoirs, essentially classified as a subgenre of the autobiography.
Why Interview Others?
The autobiography or memoir is your story, chock full of your memories and experiences. However, interviewing others will bring so much to the table, probably creating a distinctly more interesting narrative.
Those folks who have known you the longest may remember stories no longer fresh in your memory bank or just bring a totally different perspective about you or a shared event. They can perhaps describe your personal evolution, what you’re like today versus then. Children, whether young kids, teens or adult children, may bring an untarnished perspective to your life story. Chances are good that family and friends will provide a more unbiased, objective view of you than you can offer yourself.
However, it is imperative to remember that interviews with others are only meant to supplement your story, not replace your words, thoughts and memories. At the end of the day, this should be your story, told in your voice, with most of the narrative generated by your mind and heart.
A Case Study
A biography I wrote in 2020 perfectly illustrates the value others can bring to the story. A woman commissioned me to write a biography as a surprise 80th birthday present to her husband. For the sake of anonymity, let’s call him Don. Since the gift was meant to be a surprise, interviewing Don, the subject of the biography, was not an option available to me.
I was somewhat fearful of and dubious about the task ahead. I asked myself, “Can I properly capture and describe someone’s life without speaking directly with that person?”
Together with Don’s wife, we compiled a list of 17 individuals who could conceivably contribute to recreating Don’s life story. The breakdown was as follows: Don’s wife; his two children and their respective spouses; his five grandchildren; his two brothers; two childhood friends; two members of the clergy; and one former Wall Street work colleague.
Their contributions wove a rich mosaic of Don’s life, from his boyhood in Ohio through retirement in New York. In unison, they painted a highly accurate portrait of who Don is and what he’s all about.
Don’s two siblings described what it was like growing up together in their tightly-knit Midwestern family. His boyhood friends shared stories about being varsity sports teammates and exploits as brothers in a high school fraternity. Not surprisingly, Don’s wife lovingly described their courtship, becoming parents and growing old together. His two children and their spouses had plenty of great anecdotes to contribute. The grandkids affectionately described how important their grandfather was to them. The two clergy members spoke of Don’s spiritual side and his former work colleague explained how Don had mentored him.
Put these all together and the end product was one extraordinarily complete biography. Don, still sharp as a nail at age 80, said that he had forgotten many of the stories presented in the book, especially those contributed by his brothers and lifelong friends.
Benefits of Writing Your Story
Writing a memoir or autobiography not only helps preserve the past for current and future generations, but is also a cathartic exercise that stimulates our brain’s cognitive muscles.
Researchers at Western University in London, Ont. have found that recalling stories from our past improves memory and can also help prevent serious conditions like Alzheimer’s. Other studies indicate that writing our stories can lower blood pressure, enhance sleep quality and even help relieve depression.
Preserving our stories in writing can improve our mental and physical health. Interviewing others for our memoir or autobiography can improve the quality of our narrative.
Alan D. Bergman is a baby boomer and the founder of Life Stories Preserved LLC, a memoir and biography writing services firm, found online at https://LifeStoriesPreserved.net. He can also be contacted via e-mail at Info@LifeStoriesPreserved.net.
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