Parenting Pep Talk: Why Spanking is Counterproductive
Many parents who spank their children are well intended. They believe that spanking will curb undesirable behaviors and increase desirable ones. Because their parents did it to them, they think it can’t be that bad. They turned out OK, didn’t they? The newest research, however, confirms what anti-spanking parents and professionals have long believed: spanking and other forms of corporal punishment are counterproductive. Rather than learning ways to correct their own behaviors, children who are punished physically tend to fear their punisher. They behave in the short term to avoid being spanked but the long-term consequences can be damaging.
Spanking leads to increased aggression and violence.
Children learn more from observing what we do than what we say. Children who are spanked learn that physical assaults are an acceptable way to handle conflict. Children who are spanked mistrust others’ motives and come to expect aggression. They are more likely to attack before they have the opportunity of being attacked. In addition, studies show that adults who were subjected to corporal punishment as children and teenagers are more likely to hit their children and spouses.
Spanking produces worse behaviors.
Corporal punishment may lead to immediate compliance but it is associated with less long-term compliance. In one study, 5-year-olds who were spanked were more likely to be defiant, have low frustration tolerance, demand immediate gratification, tantrum, and physically lash out against other people or animals.
Spanking takes a toll on mental health.
Children have an innate sense of fairness and being hit feels unfair and confusing, especially if there is a lapse in time between the act in question and its consequences. Young children who are punished for something they did earlier will not understand the connection. Their physical safety will feel compromised for no reason. A recent study that reviewed two decades of research confirmed that spanked children have decreased gray matter in their brains and have higher incidences of depression, anxiety, and drug use as they get older. Spanking makes a child feel weak and defenseless and lowers self-esteem. Even hand slapping has consequences. Because hands are a primary tool for toddler exploration, hand slapping tells children to retreat and miss out on beneficial learning experiences. In one study, babies whose parents used hand slapping as a mode of discipline were less skilled at exploring their environments months later.
Spanking devalues the parent-child relationship.
Children are more likely to recall traumatic experiences than nurturing ones even when they actually experienced more nurturing ones. Many children recall a feared spanking episode but can’t remember what they did to deserve it. Spanking erodes trust. Children who fear their parents are less likely to come to them to discuss problems. Because spanking is not effective, children continue to misbehave and parents become frustrated and spank more. It’s an unfortunate perpetuating cycle that disrupts the parent-child relationship and has long-lasting effects.
Spanking can be verbal and emotionally scarring.
Don’t forget that spanking can come in the form of verbal assaults. Threats to leave a child or attacks on a child’s character can be just as if not more scarring than physical assaults.
Create better alternatives.
Parents should try to create an environment that deems spanking unnecessary. Positive communication can be a powerful tool that motivates children to behave in acceptable ways because it feels right. If you get angry and feel like you might spank your child, take a time out. Think of an alternative. Discipline will be more effective when children feel safe and when their bodies aren’t pumping with adrenaline and fear.
Many studies support the deleterious effects of spanking, and none suggest that spanking can help parents raise conscientious, respectful, and fair children. There are better ways to correct undesirable behaviors using modeling and consistent communication.
Dr. Jaime Black is a licensed psychologist practicing in Westchester and New York City. Jaime works with high-functioning individuals on the autism spectrum, doing psychotherapy, conducting evaluations, and facilitating socialization groups including an improv social skills group. Visit www.spectrumservicesnyc.com, e-mail JaimeBlackPsyD@gmail.com or call (914)712-8208.
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