Parenting Pep Talk: Why Emotional Literacy Is So Important
“Studies suggest that emotionally literate characteristics like self-restraint, persistence, and self-awareness are better predictors of life outcomes than common academic measures.”
Social and emotional literacy develop over time and need to be nurtured just like any other skill such as math or learning how to ride a bike. Unlike math or bike-riding, however, the teaching of emotional literacy is often overlooked. It has been referred to as the “missing piece” of education despite its profound impact on children’s wellbeing. Emotionally competent individuals are able to communicate effectively, empathize, problem solve, and resolve conflict. Studies have shown that kids who develop these skills are more likely to do well at work as adults, have longer-lasting marriages, and have lower rates of anxiety and depression. Studies also suggest that emotionally literate characteristics like self-restraint, persistence, and self-awareness are better predictors of life outcomes than common academic measures. In addition, these children tend to do better in school due to their ability to work well with others, control impulses, and appropriately channel emotions.
Many schools are embracing the research and implementing social-emotional learning (S.E.L) programs. Mark Brackett, senior research scientist at Yale University and former bullying victim, developed one such program called Ruler. Ruler’s goal is to develop children’s capacity for self-reflection and critical thinking. Brackett recognizes that emotional skills require practice and persistence. Students and teachers use concepts such as “mood meters” to help gauge personal and classmates’ emotions. Teachers encourage children to develop coping mechanisms, such as using self-talk or taking a walk when upset. S.E.L. has received more attention in the past few years due to concerns about bullying, violence, and suicide, but these programs are certainly not the norm at this time.
Certain children, particularly those with autism, Aspergers, and social phobia require more guidance and support in developing social and emotional competencies. Social skills deficits are a hallmark of these conditions and they tend to persist into adulthood due to a dearth of interpersonal experiences. How can a child learn conversation skills, conflict negotiation, and perspective taking, for example, if she has no one to practice with? The right kind of social skills group could help a child develop these kinds of skills, but not all social skills groups are created equally. Effective groups promote skill generalization to the outside world and often take place on the playground or in other real-world locations where real-life problems tend to unfold. Good programs stimulate social motivation, reinforce appropriate social responding, and increase the understanding of nonverbal communication. Programs that seem to teach manners, not emotional understanding, just don’t work. They are ineffective because only basic instrumental skills, such as making eye contact and saying please and thank you, are taught. These tend to make children seem robotic and awkward, and other children notice. The best programs help children become better observers of themselves and others. They guide them in appropriate ways of expressing themselves. Parents of children in school groups should request specific plans and ask about generalization strategies. Parents can reinforce practiced skills at home and with play-dates.
There are also groups available for adults who struggle socially and emotionally. The goal is to increase social awareness and for members to develop a better understanding of the world around them. As they age and the social world becomes even more nuanced, they struggle. Social skills groups can help adults navigate the interpersonal complexities of the workplace, establish romantic relationships, and understand social norms in different situations.
Dr. Jaime Black is a licensed psychologist practicing in Westchester and New York City. In addition to providing general mental health services, Jaime works with individuals of all ages on the autism spectrum, doing psychotherapy, conducting evaluations, and facilitating social skills groups. Visit www.spectrumservicesnyc.com, e-mail JaimeBlackPsyD@gmail.com or call (914)712-8208.
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