Parenting Pep Talk: 8 Real Parenting Tips from Real Parents
When you ask parents for parenting advice, certain tips come up time and time again. It is useful to remind ourselves what works and what is important. Here are eight real parenting tips from real parents.
Don’t compare your kids to others. They all learn at their own pace and in their own way. Of course parents need to be attentive to developmental milestones, etc. but don’t freak out if your child is a little behind. Very early walkers may walk as early as 9 months, for example, but some children won’t walk until 14 months. In the long run, it really doesn’t matter when they learn as long as they learn.
Take care of yourself. “Do what you need to do to stay sane,” said one mom of two. “If you are tired and need to do something for yourselves, like going out as a couple, do it and don’t feel guilty.”
Commit to the process. “Don’t just parent for the future, parent for this evening,” Pamela Druckerman, journalist, author, and mother writes. “Your child probably wont get into the Ivy League or win a sports scholarship. At age 24, he might be back in his childhood bedroom, in debt, after a mediocre college career. Raise him so that, if that happens, it will still have been worth it.” A Dutch father of three told her about his Buddhist-inspired approach: total commitment to the process, total equanimity about the outcome.
Be in the moment. Enjoy them while you can because it goes by fast, just like everyone says!
Get connected. Make mommy and daddy friends if you don’t have them already. Join local groups to meet people, get support, and to learn sage parenting tips from parents in the trenches. Also, if you are a parent of multiples or of children with unique conditions, parent groups are excellent for connecting you to resources and support services.
Laugh it off. A lot of what feels extremely stressful in the moment is actually comical when you step back and think about it. Try to get more efficient when it comes to having a sense of humor. The day-to-day is more fun when you can appreciate the funny things your kids do. Extending the same courtesy to your co-parent could go a long way towards increasing your happiness as well!
Be who you are with them and be a parent at the same time. Be genuine with your kids but reason with them at a developmentally appropriate level. “Talk to them like you would a friend sometimes. It helps them develop and feel OK around people other than their parents,” said one mom of two.
Remember that your children are individuals. Your children may not be better, little versions of yourselves. Respect and enjoy their differences, and validate their feelings even if you don’t immediately understand them. Hear them out. You might even learn something.
Dr. Jaime Black is a licensed psychologist practicing in Westchester and New York City. Jaime works with high-functioning individuals on the autism spectrum, doing psychotherapy, conducting evaluations, and facilitating various socialization groups including an improv social skills group. Visit www.spectrumservicesnyc.com, e-mail JaimeBlackPsyD@gmail.com or call (914)712-8208.
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