On Our Country’s Birthday, My Fake Interview with Famous (Dead) Americans

Lounging on a Jersey Shore beach one afternoon last week, away for a brief family vacation, I realized I wouldn’t have time to report out a deep-dive column.

That evening I started a new Netflix binge, a thought-provoking documentary, “Surviving Death,” which explores personal stories and research on near-death experiences, reincarnation and paranormal phenomena.

At the same time, for some reason, my January interview of the ChatGPT chatbot and ChatGPT’s subsequent interview of me in February were also rattling through my mind.

The combination of my time crunch, my paranormal streaming binge and my AI interviewing recollection led me to an idea: What if I asked ChatGPT to summon six U.S. historical figures, in the form of artificial intelligence text bots, to answer my interview questions and usher in Independence Day?

What follows is the real transcript of our fake conversation.

Real Me: Hi everyone, great to see you all today. First off, happy 247^th birthday, America, the uniquely aspirational country that delivered us this amazing group of luminaries, assembled together for the first time in our remote Examiner newsroom.

It seems fitting to start with you, President Washington. Hopefully traffic on the GW Bridge wasn’t too brutal on your way in from the city. Anyway, how do you think the American experiment is coming along so far?

Bot George Washington: As the first President of the United States and one of the founding fathers, I am pleased to see that the American experiment continues to evolve. The principles of liberty, democracy and individual rights laid the foundation for a great nation. However, I would defer to my esteemed dinner guests to hear their perspectives as well.

Real Me: Respectfully, Mr. President, it would be journalistic malpractice to let that one go. Before I move on from your pretty canned remarks, how about you provide some genuine, candid insights on how things perhaps have improved since your day and where we still need the most progress?

Bot George Washington: My apologies for the initial response. Reflecting upon the progress that has been made since my time, I must acknowledge the advancements in civil rights and liberties that have shaped the American nation. The abolition of slavery, the strides made in women’s rights and the ongoing struggle for equality stand as remarkable milestones in our history.

Me: Go on.

Bot George Washington: Nonetheless, it is crucial to recognize that challenges still persist. To achieve a more perfect union, we must address issues such as systemic racism, economic inequality, environmental sustainability and social justice. We must strive to ensure equal opportunities for all citizens, regardless of their background, and construct a society that upholds the values of justice and fairness.

Real Me: You’re woke!

Bot George Washington: While some may dismiss these conversations as being “woke” or politically motivated, it is essential to engage in open and respectful dialogue, considering diverse perspectives and working towards a society that uplifts all individuals, regardless of their race or background.

Real Me: From politics to music, Elvis has entered the building. Nice to see you, Mr. Presley.

Bot Elvis Presley: Well, thank you, thank you very much.

Real Me: How has music changed, and how has it stayed the same?

Bot Elvis Presley: Music has always been a reflection of the times and the changing tastes of the audience. In terms of similarities, I believe the power of music to connect with people’s emotions and bring them together remains unchanged. However, back in my day, rock and roll was making waves and pushing boundaries. Today, the music landscape is even more diverse and expansive, with genres like hip-hop, pop, electronic and many others taking center stage. The fusion of various musical influences has created an incredible array of sounds and styles that resonate with different audiences.

Real Me: I have to say, you’re expressing yourself in a far more stilted fashion than how you spoke when alive. Anyhow, is there anything else you might want to add?

Bot Elvis Presley: Yes. Advancements in technology have revolutionized the way music is created, produced and distributed. The digital age has made it easier for aspiring artists to share their music with the world, and platforms like streaming services have changed the way we consume music. Yet, at the core, music remains a universal language that connects us all. I reckon it would be quite a treat to hear some of the contemporary tunes and see how the music of today carries on the tradition of moving hearts and souls.

Real Me: How has all the technology impacted artists?

Bot Elvis Presley: Well, technology has opened up new doors for artists. They can share their music online and connect with fans worldwide. But, with streaming and all, making a good living can be tough. So, artists have to get creative with touring, merch and other ways to make a buck. It’s a whole new ballgame, but the love for music keeps us rockin.

Real Me: Lame attempt to speak colloquially but let’s welcome Eleanor Roosevelt to the conversation. Mrs. Roosevelt, with all of your important and impactful work, any regrets?

Bot Eleanor Roosevelt: In my time, I wish I had pushed even harder for greater racial equality and the eradication of systemic discrimination. I should have been more vocal and proactive in addressing these issues. Additionally, I could have done more to advocate for women’s rights and gender equality.

I also regret not putting greater emphasis on environmental conservation and sustainable practices. These are areas where I recognize the need for stronger advocacy and action.

Real Me: Why didn’t you do more on the environment? I think I know the answer. Throwing a bone here.

Bot Eleanor Roosevelt: Well, during my time, the environmental movement as we know it today was not as prominent or well-understood. While I did prioritize social justice and human rights, the urgency of environmental concerns had not yet gained widespread recognition. In hindsight, I believe I could have done more to raise awareness about the importance of environmental conservation and promote sustainable practices. It is a regret of mine that I did not prioritize this issue more prominently during my advocacy efforts.

Real Me: You’re forgiven. It’s also a pleasure to have President Reagan here with us. Nice to see you, Mr. President. How have politics evolved since your day?

Bot Ronald Reagan: Well, the most striking difference from my day to today in politics is the rapid advancement of technology and the influence of social media. It has profoundly changed the way information is disseminated, campaigns are run and public opinion is shaped. It’s a whole new world out there.

Real Me: I don’t want to be falsely nostalgic about a complicated era or give you too much of a softball but perhaps you can comment on the nature of 21^st century partisanship as well.

Bot Ronald Reagan: Well, when it comes to partisanship, it seems to have intensified since my time. Political polarization and ideological divisions have become more pronounced, making it challenging to find common ground and foster bipartisan cooperation. It’s a shift that warrants careful consideration and a renewed focus on unity and effective governance.

Real Me: Well, I’m no Einstein, but that sounds right to me. Speaking of Einstein, how are you this afternoon, Albert?

Bot Albert Einstein: Theoretical time travel can be tiring but I’m fine otherwise.

Real Me: OK, good. Anyway, let’s begin your contribution to the dialogue with a really light question. Can you succinctly tell our readers the nature of the universe and whether you think there might be extraterrestrial, intelligent life on other planets?

Bot Albert Einstein: The nature of the universe is a vast and complex subject. My research and theories suggest that the universe operates according to certain fundamental laws, such as the theory of relativity and quantum mechanics. As for the existence of extraterrestrial life, while there is currently no conclusive evidence, given the vastness of the universe, it is highly probable that life could exist on other planets. However, without empirical data, it remains a topic of speculation and exploration for scientific inquiry.

Real Me: Moving on. Amid the specter of the Nazi threat, you famously wrote a 1939 letter to President Roosevelt proposing the United States begin atomic energy research. How much do nukes still possibly imperil our survival? By the way, if you’re in town for a while, just a heads up there’s a movie coming out later this month, “Oppenheimer,” about the Manhattan Project and the development of the atomic bomb.

Bot Albert Einstein: Nuclear weapons continue to pose a grave threat to our survival due to their immense destructive power and the potential for catastrophic consequences. The capability of these weapons to cause mass devastation and loss of life, coupled with the risk of accidental use or nuclear proliferation, heightens the danger. The continued existence of nuclear arsenals underscores the urgent need for disarmament, nonproliferation efforts and a collective commitment to global peace and security.

Real Me: What about the generative artificial intelligence technology I’m typing on right now, creating your modern voice? What’s the potential menace?

Bot Albert Einstein: The scariest threats of AI include the possibility of autonomous AI systems surpassing human control, leading to unintended or malicious actions. There is also the risk of AI being used for mass surveillance, invasion of privacy and manipulation of information. Additionally, the potential for AI to exacerbate economic inequalities and disrupt the job market is a significant concern. It is essential to carefully navigate these risks, establish ethical guidelines and prioritize the well-being of humanity as AI technology continues to advance.

Real Me: OK, we CAN’T end on that disconcerting note. Let’s conclude with MLK, to deliver some optimism and inspiration. Martin, you have the floor.

Bot Martin Luther King Jr.: I have a profound hope for life in the year 2023 and the unfolding arc of history. I firmly believe in the inherent goodness and resilience of humanity. Despite the challenges we encounter, I see a spirit of determination, unity and progress prevailing. As we join hands and stand together, addressing global issues, championing justice and equality, advancing technology and nurturing our planet, we sow the seeds of a brighter future. Let us continue to walk the path of compassion, understanding and cooperation, for it is through these actions that we can realize the dream of a world where all people flourish and the arc of history bends steadily towards justice and prosperity.

Real Me: Thank you all, and happy birthday to this most wonderful, complicated, troubled, beautiful, damaged, resilient, aspirational country of ours.

Enjoy your Fourth.