How to Handle an Overweight Grandson
Question:
As a grandmother, how do I handle talking to my 7-year-old grandson who is 40 pounds overweight? – Anonymous
Answer:
It’s tricky for grandparents to influence grandchildren’s health habits when they are not around them all the time to enforce healthy practices. Unfortunately, if the child’s parents do not support your efforts or make considerable efforts on their part, there isn’t much you can do to ensure that your grandson will practice what you preach, so to speak, when you are not around. That said, I am in full support of grandparents having rules in their home that support a healthy lifestyle and who are open to conversations about health and weight. You can influence your grandson by being a positive role model, being supportive, and setting boundaries.
A 7-year-old who is 40 pounds overweight likely has entrenched eating habits that can be very difficult to break. I would start the conversation with the parents rather than the child, if possible. Share your concerns and see if you can be on the same page. If that’s not possible, you might want to start by making changes behaviorally rather than having a talk with him. For example, avoid asking open ended questions about food, such as “what do you want for lunch.” Instead, provide him with two or three healthy options and let him choose one. Initially, he will likely try to coerce you into giving him what he wants, but if you stand your ground, over time he should get accustomed to the routine at your house. Furthermore, if you keep the unhealthy snacks that he craves out of your house, he will have no choice but to eat what you present if he is hungry. You can also be creative and find healthy food substitutes that taste like the unhealthy foods he’s used to eating. For example, try replacing potato chips with low-fat popcorn or whole grain pretzels so he doesn’t feel completely deprived. Limit consumption. It can take 30 minutes for the food you eat to make you feel full. Try providing him a normal portion of a snack or meal and allow him to have more only after 30 minutes.
I highly recommend that you choose your words very carefully when talking to your grandson about food and weight. Avoid referring to food as good or bad. The words “good” and “bad” are judgment words and have emotional meaning for kids. You want to separate the emotions from food and eating. Even the word healthy can be somewhat convoluted, as it might have become synonymous with tasteless or simply, “not what I want to eat.” Instead, try referring to food in descriptive terms and offer suggestions based on what he seems to be craving. For example, you can point out that he seems to be in the mood for something crunchy, and suggest an apple or carrots, etc.
Exercise is another integral component of weight loss, but the word might also carry a negative connotation. Perhaps your grandson has been told to exercise many times when he didn’t want to. I recommend suggesting games and playing, rather than telling him that an activity was chosen in order to exercise. You can make bike riding, swimming, etc. fun activities that you do together.
How does your grandson feel about being overweight? Has he expressed being upset or embarrassed by it? Try to give him a chance to talk about it without making it a big deal. The less pressure on him, the better. For example, if he has questions about food and health, you can be there for him to consult in a nonjudgmental way.
Your grandson might not be ready to make changes on his own. It’s critical for the weight loss goal to be his if he is going to achieve it. You can have hopes for him, and you can help him, but the goals are his. Control is a hard thing to learn, but the sooner he starts the better. Children who exhibit self-control tend to be more responsible and productive adults. Hopefully, small changes now will lead to some big changes over time.
Jaime earned her doctorate in Clinical Psychology from Yeshiva University. She currently works in a private practice in NYC doing psychotherapy, evaluations, and career counseling. In addition to providing general psychological services, Jaime has extensive experience working with individuals of all ages on the autism spectrum. She lives in Hartsdale.
www.spectrumservicesnyc.com. (Advice given in Ask Jaime is not intended to be a substitute for individual psychotherapy.)
Examiner Media – Keeping you informed with professionally-reported local news, features, and sports coverage.