How Chores Help Children
Typical children as young as 4 or 5 have the ability to help maintain a wholesome household by doing chores such as putting their clothes away, helping to set the table, and making their own beds. Most children consider such chores to be their parents’ job, and many parents refrain from asking them to pitch in. It’s easy to imagine from the child’s point of view. Why would a child offer to engage in unpleasant activities if someone else will? Parents intend to raise their children to become independent adults; however, they tend to promote dependence when they complete tasks for children who are capable of completing them on their own. These are tasks that independently functioning members of society must get accustomed to doing.
Chores promote responsibility and independence. Children who help out are better team players as children and as adults. Those who don’t learn to contribute are more likely to have relationship troubles in the short and long term. Living with roommates can be problematic. Romantic relationships are likely to suffer if one partner is expected to do all the dirty work. These issues can also affect one’s career. Children who have never had to pitch in tend to feel entitled. Menial tasks are “beneath” them, and they refuse to lend a hand with tasks that are “not their job.” Managers and coworkers are likely to be put off.
Chores and allowance can go hand in hand and be used to teach the value of a dollar. Children should learn that material items aren’t their natural right; they have to be earned. If children get a weekly allowance, they can get accustomed to budgeting for things they want but don’t need.
Chores can be used to promote a child’s ability to understand others’ perspectives. Despite how busy parents are, there are nonnegotiable tasks they must complete, like paying bills. Assign age-appropriate chores that children are capable of completing despite inevitable schoolwork. Don’t let them use school as an excuse. They know you want them to succeed academically and will try to use schoolwork to get out of chores. A teenager can reasonably be expected to make his bed and take out the garbage. He will need to learn to balance home and work demands throughout the course of his life. Even if parents have help, such as a nanny or a housekeeper, there are always things that children can do to chip in at home or in the community. They can prepare their own food and put their dishes in the dishwasher. They can help a younger sibling with homework. They can even volunteer at an animal or homeless shelter.
The earlier you start the better. Young children typically enjoy helping out and doing “adult” tasks. Asking a 15 year old to suddenly empty the dishwasher or take out the recycling will be more of a challenge, but it is a necessary battle. In the short term it might be challenging, but it should actually reduce conflict once everyone knows what is expected of them. You may think that you are helping your child by doing his chores for him, but your permissiveness could harm him in the long run. Think about what kind of an adult you are “creating” by allowing children to skirt responsibility and let others literally clean up their messes.
Dr. Jaime Black is a licensed psychologist practicing in Westchester and New York City. In addition to providing general mental health services, Jaime works with individuals of all ages on the autism spectrum, doing psychotherapy, conducting evaluations, and facilitating social skills groups. Visit www.spectrumservicesnyc.com, e-mail JaimeBlackPsyD@gmail.com or call 914-712-8208
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