Helping Children with Special Needs become Competent Adults
While all parents struggle, parents of special needs children have amplified challenges and unique, all-encompassing concerns. Will my child fit in socially? Will he be able to handle academic demands? Is college possible? Will he be able to live independently? Can we afford all of our child’s needs? These among others are common questions that keep parents from sleeping soundly. In addition, despite all their self-sacrifice and dedication, parents often fear their efforts won’t ever be effective enough.
Parents do their best to manage day by day. For parents of a special needs child, this includes things like keeping multiple therapy appointments, going to IEP meetings, and negotiating with school districts and government agencies for services. Not to mention the typical daily activities like dressing, eating, preparing for the day, all of which can be met with melt-downs and resistance. It is overwhelming. While parents constantly worry about the long-term, many real-life, in-your-face problems get in the way of having children practice the skills necessary to attain long-term goals. Imagine a mother, late to work, trying to get her child to organize his things so they can leave the house. If the child is refusing or throwing a tantrum, the mom might just get his things together so they can leave. While this makes short-term sense, the child may learn that other people do things for him and never learn critical organizational skills.
Executive functioning deficits are common among individuals with developmental disorders, particularly ADHD and autism spectrum disorders. Executive functions are a class of cognitive abilities that regulate other abilities and behaviors. They are responsible for goal-directed behavior and include self-monitoring, organizing, initiating and shifting between thoughts and activities, and the ability to inhibit ones behaviors and emotional responses. These deficits are often overlooked, especially when an individual is very bright. When a child is capable of doing complex math problems or using complex language, it is difficult for people to imagine that child would have a difficult time carrying out a simple sequence of actions.
Children with executive functioning deficits will experience much difficulty with daily tasks as adults if these abilities are not strengthened throughout childhood. These challenges often evidence themselves profoundly when a child transitions from the supportive home environment to college. Even when colleges have strong disabilities offices, most require a student to seek out and attend services on their own. There are many barriers that keep students from taking advantage of such services due to difficulties with executive functioning, particularly an inability to initiate the seeking of services and to inhibit the desire to do something more immediately pleasurable. Many special needs students are smart but unable to handle the demands of the college environment. This extends to difficulties in the work place as well.
Luckily, executive functions can be strengthened. Research has shown that practicing skills consistently leads to functional improvement and better long-term outcomes. Children have to experience the components of task completion. For instance, a child who has never observed his parents paying bills or managing money will be overwhelmed by the process when he is required to do so later in life. Typically developing children often have difficulties with this as well, but it is far more challenging for the child who only had to focus on academics and never learned the nitty gritty of what it means to be a functional adult. In addition, it is very common for parents of special needs children to discourage their children from working while in high school. In fact, one of the best predictors of eventual job attainment and success for these children is having had work experience before they seek full-time employment as adults. Also, some children are simply not ready for college after their senior year in high school and would benefit from working and attaining the skills necessary to succeed in a higher education environment. It is a challenge, but it is crucial for each child to be considered individually and to think about long-term goals and how they can be incrementally achieved in the present.
Jaime earned her doctorate in Clinical Psychology from Yeshiva University. She works in a private practice in NYC doing psychotherapy and evaluations. Jaime’s specialty is in working with individuals of all ages on the autism spectrum. www.spectrumservicesnyc.com. JaimeBlackPsyD@gmail.com. (914)712-8208.
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