Making Mornings Run Smoothly
Mornings are typically a challenging time of day for families. Parents have the chore of getting their own frantic lives in order as they get their children out of bed, fed, dressed, and out the door for the school day. Mornings can involve arguments over how to dress, what’s for breakfast or lunch, and forgotten assignments. By the time parents get to work, they may feel like they’ve already had a long and exhausting day. So, what can parents do to make this stressful time of day more manageable?
Making mornings run more smoothly begins the night before. While it is impossible to predict exactly when one child will wake up sick, particularly cranky and sluggish, or when any other event will throw a wrench into well-laid plans, there are things that can be done to make the typical morning more likely to proceed relatively pain free. When nightly routines include preparing for the morning, fewer arguments and melt-downs are likely to occur in the morning when time is limited.
Depending on their age, children may need help picking out their clothes for the next day, so parents can make that activity part of getting ready for bed. Make sure everything is ready – everyone knows the frustration that comes from finding only a single shoe! Even teenagers – or especially teenagers – can benefit from having clothing laid out, as they are typically self-conscious and may spend more time than expected finding the perfect outfit. Meal planning is also important. If lunches are prepared the night before, there is less scrambling to see what is available and easy to make. If there isn’t time for lunch preparation, parents can have lunch money ready and placed in the school bags.
Sometimes incomplete school assignments surface in the morning, and even more common is the difficulty children have getting even finished assignments back into their folders and bags, and ready to be handed in. This is a particular challenge for children with ADHD, however all children and families can benefit from organizational strategies used to help ADHD children (and adults). For instance, simple check lists help to reduce the nagging and often accurate feeling that something has been forgotten. For children who require more precise step-by-step assistance, parents can make a colorful chart detailing the order of morning events. It can start with waking at a certain time, brushing teeth, dressing in prepared clothing, breakfast, school bag, bus time, etc. Pictures can be used for younger, preverbal children. Reward systems are also useful, especially for children who resist the prep work but who argue with parents when they make decisions.
It is not uncommon for parents and children to have a similar level of organizational difficulty. This can be due to hereditary factors or to parental modeling. Although parents often have a method to their madness that has served them for years, the method probably does look much like madness. In the attempt to make mornings run smoothly, changes likely have to be made by the parents as well as the children. Instead of dreading such changes, parents can acknowledge their struggles and be involved with their children’s process of adjusting their ways. Children tend to respond to changes better when parents are part of the process instead of solely being the disciplinarian, and when they too are held accountable for their actions.
Jaime earned her doctorate in Clinical Psychology from Yeshiva University. She works in a private practice in NYC doing psychotherapy and evaluations. Jaime’s specialty is in working with individuals of all ages on the autism spectrum. www.spectrumservicesnyc.com. JaimeBlackPsyD@gmail.com (914) 712-8208.
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