Parenting Pep Talk: The Price of Boredom
We all feel bored sometimes, and many experts and parents talk about the value of boredom. It’s true, children benefit from having to find ways to occupy their minds during unstructured time. In a world filled with constant stimulation and immediate gratification via smartphones, tablets, etc., it is important for children to also be self-starting and creative. That said, there are consequences of being bored if you don’t have the inner resources to manage your boredom. Research suggests that boredom can increase depressive symptoms, lead to poorer school and work performance, lower job satisfaction, and can be associated with higher incidences of substance abuse, gambling, overeating, and other problematic coping mechanisms.
Children and adults with ADHD have an increased risk of suffering the negative consequences of boredom due to difficulty sustaining attention and difficulty tolerating less interesting activities. Problematic behaviors such as starting a fight or becoming the class clown might be a viable alternative to the dreadful feelings of boredom. To combat destructive behaviors, those with a low threshold for boredom need to develop new coping skills. They need to learn to anticipate situations with boredom potential and plan accordingly. If you are a parent of a frequently bored child, help him develop this skill set and tolerate some inevitable boredom.
Ari Tuckman, author and psychologist who specializes in ADHD, and Jeff Copper, ADHD coach and founder of Attention Talk Radio and Video, offer some suggestions for learning to live with boredom.
Be prepared. Boring situations are easy to predict. Bring entertainment along for long car rides or lengthy holidays with relatives. Also be prepared to be flexible. It might be better to allow your child to get up from the dinner table than to have him whining and fighting with you.
Turn it into a game. Kids love games and competition. Word games like I’m going on a picnic or Twenty Questions are fun, take up time, and don’t take up any space.
Brainstorm your fun list. Think of activities you and your children enjoy and add new ones when they come to you. It can be hard to think of things on the spot when you’re feeling bored, so have a go-to fun list.
Get moving on anything. Organize your sock drawer, clean out your desk, do anything that might give you momentum. Focus on the rewards of working on something and maybe you’ll even enjoy it. Spice up an activity by doing it while on the phone with a friend or listening to good music.
Recognize the signs of anxiety and/or depression. Both depression and anxiety can get in the way of pursuing meaningful and interesting activities, and depression can cause you to feel bored because you are disconnected from the world around you. It’s important to recognize when boredom is more than plain old boredom, and to seek treatment for you or your child when necessary.
Dr. Jaime Black is a licensed psychologist practicing in Westchester and New York City. Jaime works with high-functioning individuals on the autism spectrum, doing psychotherapy, conducting evaluations, and facilitating socialization groups including an improv social skills group. Visit www.spectrumservicesnyc.com, e-mail JaimeBlackPsyD@gmail.com or call (914) 712-8208.
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