Parenting Pep Talk: 10 Ways to Be a Great Dad

August 9, 2013 Examiner Media Parenting Pep Talk

Both men and women can benefit from sharing their parenting experiences – good and bad – with others, but men are less likely to do so on average. Even most online parenting communities are geared toward women. Men might consider the advice of Scott Kelby, dad and author, based on his journey from reluctant to doting father. Keep in mind that Kelby’s tips are specific to his experience, so apply them in a way that makes sense for your situation.

1. Don‘t worry about being a great dad. Being a great partner – being supportive and consistently involved – is more important that knowing the “right” way to do every baby-related task. Babies need stable loving homes and if you can provide that, you are on your way to being a great dad.

2. Try to live your normal pre-child life as soon as possible. Many parents are afraid to leave their home with their infant. Most babies, however, are ready to be out in the real world within a few weeks. Life begins to feel less stressful once you realize that you can do most activities with your baby in tow.

3. Give Mom some time for herself. Moms need breaks even if they don’t know it. Be a good partner by making sure that Mom doesn’t burn out.

4. Get up for late night feedings (or don’t). Kelby found that being involved in feedings brought him and his wife closer. I added “(or don’t)” because some couples will find it’s better to alternate to let the other rest. See what’s best for you.

5. Be affectionate with your baby, especially as they get older. Babies don’t understand what the word love means, but they understand that they feel loved when they are touched, hugged, and cuddled. “A kid that knows they’re loved is a happy kid — the kind of kid that runs and jumps into your arms when they see you.”

6. Treat your kid the way you wanted to be treated when you were a kid. Think about the way your own father showed his love for you, disciplined you, encouraged or criticized you; how he raised and molded you. Put the positives to good use with your own child or learn from his mistakes and be the dad you wanted to have.

7. Don’t ever abuse your kid. Ever. There is never a reason to physically abuse your wife or child. Be just as careful with how you use your words. Emotional abuse can be as damaging as physical abuse.

8. Advice on raising children is everywhere, and it’s all contradictory, so be very careful which guide you follow. If you get a gut feeling that something isn’t right, it is probably not what is best for you and your family.

9. Enjoy yourself. It all goes by too quickly. It’s OK to play hooky once in a while. “You won’t wind up on your deathbed saying, ‘I wish I’d spent more time at the office.’ You’ll say, ‘I wish I’d spent more time with my daughter.’”

10. Learn what kids want most from their dad. Kids don’t really care what job you have or how many awards you have won. They want time with you. They want your attention, your opinions, and your focus. Kids who don’t get attention from their dads are more likely to act out in order to get it.

Kelby is not a professional, but his advice comes from experience and opens up the conversation that more and more dads are craving.

Dr. Jaime Black is a licensed psychologist practicing in Westchester and New York City. In addition to providing general mental health services, Jaime works with individuals of all ages on the autism spectrum, doing psychotherapy, conducting evaluations, and facilitating social skills groups. Visit www.spectrumservicesnyc.com, e-mail JaimeBlackPsyD@gmail.com or call (914)712-8208.