Disciplining Babies: The When and The How
Parents must try to see infant behavior from the infant’s point of view in order to effectively discipline babies. The world is new and exciting and it’s the baby’s job to explore. Exploration is indicative of healthy development and a stimulating environment. But there are times when parents must set limits. Parents need to keep their babies safe and want to promote positive behaviors that will carry over to the toddler and childhood years. It is challenging and confusing to discipline a barely verbal little one, but here are some tips from experts and parents for doing so effectively.
Pediatrician William Sears suggests using a technique called “substitute and redirect” when babies reach for or grab dangerous items. You need to teach babies what is off limits, but you also want them to know what is theirs. If your baby starts mouthing your dirty cell phone, for example, say “that’s Mommy’s, and this is yours,” and hand her an appropriate toy. Babies aren’t concerned that it’s cold season, they only know that their mouths provide an excellent means of exploring.
If your baby is hitting or biting, it is more likely a sign of affection or misdirected frustration than aggression, says Dr. Sears. It is simply another way to interact. Even when your baby is very little, get into the habit of verbalizing what you think she is feeling and what you see as appropriate ways to behave. For instance, if your baby is frustrated that she can’t open a play-dough jar, say “you want to open that, but you can’t.” Then show her how you open it. If she playfully hits her cat, say “this is how we pet the cat,” and then demonstrate.
Hair pulling is another common offense reported by mothers. When your baby yanks your hair, she gets a reaction. Possibly the first time she did that and laughed, you laughed along with her. Now you’ve got an aching head and don’t know how to stop the constant pulling. Show your baby how Mommy likes her hair to be touched and be consistent. Letting her get away with it on certain occasions will send mixed messages and confuse her. Jane Nelsen, coauthor of Positive Discipline: The First Three Years, suggests giving babies your poker face when they yank your hair or an earring. Responding with a stern “no” or “ouch” may actually make it more fun for her.
Childproofing is key as babies become mobile. You want to avoid constantly saying “no,” so make sure that low, unlocked drawers and cabinets contain toys and non-hazardous materials. You can decal toy cabinets with bright contrasting colors so babies are attracted to them and become aware of what belongs to them. Try to remain calm if a child gets into something he shouldn’t, verbalize your rationale in simple terms, and redirect.
Remember that when you discipline, you are correcting the behavior and not the child. Avoid phrases like “bad boy,” and focus on what your baby is allowed to do. Make an effort to praise positive behaviors, whether they are spontaneous or occur after redirection. When in doubt, think about how your baby perceives the world and respond accordingly.
Dr. Jaime Black is a licensed psychologist practicing in Westchester and New York City. In addition to providing general mental health services, Jaime works with individuals of all ages on the autism spectrum, doing psychotherapy, conducting evaluations, and facilitating social skills groups. Visit www.spectrumservicesnyc.com, e-mail JaimeBlackPsyD@gmail.com or call (914)712-8208.
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